Growing up in a Jewish household, there were a few stories my Bubby used to tell me which continue to shape me today. One story was about how when we are born God would take you to a field that was covered with bundles. The bundle signified the troubles that you picked up to bring with you to Earth. The teaching from the rabbis was that if God were to bring you back to that field at the time of your death to pick another bundle, you would pick the same one. We would not do anything differently.
Sometimes we think we have to come up with a plan for our lives. We don’t the plan is there, we just have to stop and listen. I remember about 16 years ago being in a space in my life where I felt as if my life was in a shamble. I was going through multiple losses, which included my mother’s death, the end of a 9-year relationship, and the near passing of my son. It was a challenging time and I did not understand anything that was going on. I remember telling God that I was tired of trying to figure it out, so as the song says lead me, guide me, and order my steps in your way and then the magic started happening.
A series of events started occurring which led to me meeting my wife and soul mate. She was not what I was looking for or expecting and I remember arguing with God and saying that I knew she was not the one, only to hear that she was. When I reminded God that I needed to be shown like a 2-year-old, God did. Still not understanding why this was, I started walking in this path not knowing where it was going or why I was on it. Sixteen years later, I still do not fully understand, but one thing that I do know is that God knew the kind of person I needed to be in my life now and moving forward, decades before I knew what my life would be like now. Do I know how – no, and I am okay with not knowing.
What I have learned is this. It is not my place to know all the answers. I am just called to listen, learn and observe. I get to study and understand how God is speaking to me. How do the signs, symbols and messages come to me and to ensure I give those messages the time and space to emerge. I need to make sure I am present ti hear thevoice of the Great Mystery guide me and keep me in a state of awe.
If I had the chance to do it all again, knowing what I know now would I . Would I pick up the same bundles. Yes, because I wouldn't be who I am without them. Would you?