Week 4, Day 4 – Developing Clarity

The choices for today were:

  1. Imagine a bubble of clarity. This where you can reside. Nothing bothers you here in this magical quiet. The guardian angel watches over you as you enter and rest. Use streaming and write down your experience.
  2. Meditate using the out breath to say old and the in breath to feel a pause. After five minutes, write about your process of doing this. How close to peace did you come? Can you trust that peace is always within you whether you feel it or not? How do peace and clarity join together to help you get in touch with your soul’s message.
  3. Write with found images and objects. Directly observe and write what they say about finding clarity.

Maybe it was because I saw the topic for today shortly before I went to bed last night, but I woke up at almost 4 am singing I can see clearly, now the rain is gone in my sleep. So here I am at 4 am writing about clarity. Lol. You have a sense of humor. It is funny how much I hate breathing for granted sometimes. Yet when I focus on my breathing, everything changes. Like the other day when I wanted to share something with Zoë and felt this wave of fear tightening my throat and I heard you remind me to breathe and then I could feel them relax and I was able to speak what was in my heart with peace. Or how when I want to greet a situation with love and the fear side of my personality wants to jump in, I can breathe set fear down and respond in love. Sometimes I just need to remember to breath.

Breathing changes things for me. I am not sure what I expected when I started this peace meditation, but I know it was not what I felt. There was this awareness of my lungs and my word expanding with the in breath and with the out breath, I felt this sadness as I said old. I began to feel some things that I had been carrying emotionally leave and at times, there was this feeling of sadness. It was almost as if they were afraid to leave because they had been within me for so long. And at the same time, I could feel a healing happen in the spaces where the sadness had been and I could hear my parents telling me they were just fine and they were together and they were at peace. It is clear now that I am entering a new relationship with my parents. They will always be here with me in spirit. They will always be present in my life, in my heart and in my dreams. In the still small voice of night, they will be one of the voices that will come and guide me. There is a peace in knowing they are ok. I knew they would be at some level. Thanks, my father says for giving me the funeral we had planned. Thanks for telling them that I could be a shit. Yes dad. You know I love you, yes daddy. Stop hogging the conversation I am glad you made my kugel. You haven’t cooked kosher in a very long time. Yes mom, I know. I like it when you cook the foods I taught you to cook. Yes mom. So you are still a vegetarian. Yes dad. I still don’t get that. I know dad. Forgive your brother. Yes dad. When he is ready and able he will rejoin the family. Until then keep him in prayer. And leave room on your heart. Yes. Are you ready to go back to bed now bubbalah – yes mom. Go back to bed and I will sing you to sleep like I used to when you were a little girl. Or would you prefer a story. . Let me tuck her in first. You remember how I used to do. Tuck tuck tuck tuck. And a kiss to scare the bad dreams away.