I am so grateful for the Bitstrip image I created a few days ago that said, “When a problem comes along Sharon must whip it.” I wrote on the cartoon, “I can whip any problem.” This turned out to be so true this week. Each day this week has been an opportunity for me to put on my Wonder Woman outfit and walk in the fullness of my strength and courage. Some of the challenges were little things, like my Facebook page for Inspiritual disappearing for a few hours. Other things were a bit more challenging, such as learning how to be patient with Zoe’s family as they worked out the details for her Aunt Neeny’s funeral, then reworked them after the snowstorm, which closed down the cemetery. Then there were the little things like figuring out accessibility issues for me once we arrive in Long Island. In the midst of it all, my inner Wonder Woman showed up and showed out.
It is amazing what you can do when you remember that you can do all things through the Divine power, which resides within you. It also meant that I had to face and deal with the parasite of feeling like an inconvenience in times like this. The thing I realized is that this feeling was about me, not about anyone else. Everyone in her family was willing to do what they had to do to ensure I was part of the whole process. I was the one that was feeling as if it would be easier for everyone if I were not there. Their love was so unconditional. It reminded me how they have embraced me since the beginning and never questioned our love for each other.
So this week, I had to once again look at that parasite and ask where this feeling of inconvenience was coming from and why. I have this love/hate relationship with the stalking process. I love how once I have worked through the process and pulled something out by its taproot, there is a sense of healing and peace because it is resolved and I have greater clarity in my life. At the same time, I rarely enjoy the process of doing that deep digging to ensure that the whole root is removed and not just mowed down.
What I came to understand was that I was not seeing things clearly. Zoe and her family were loving, supportive, and inclusive. They even changed the hotel to ensure that we had a room with a roll in shower. What for them was an expression of love, I was initially experiencing as me being an inconvenience. Perhaps the most difficult part of the process is to be what I call the Sacred Observe, watching myself objectively, and thinking about what I must believe about myself in order to be thinking those things.
What I came to realize in the process is that nobody was treating me as if accommodating my needs was an inconvenience, those feelings were coming from within me. I was the one who was telling me that accommodating my needs was an inconvenience. As I began to peel back the layers, I realized there was a part of me, which still blamed me for disrupting my birth parent’s lives and causing them pain. I am not even sure where that belief came from. It was clearly not from them, as I never met them. There were moments that confirmed this feeling, but they were limited to a work situation, and not to any personal or familial relationship in my life.
Once I realized I was lying to myself, I took the time to forgive myself for the internal lies and contributing to my suffering. I even had dreams of all the times I had heard people have this same conversation with me about how they felt they were an inconvenience to others and my talking them through this very process. Then I had dreams of talking to myself about how this was an opportunity for others to express their love for me and to experience God’s blessing.
Finally, I took the whip out, so to speak, and beat the pile of lies I had unearthed until they no longer existed. I forgave myself for causing myself to suffer and for anyone else who might have been affected by my lies and my believing them. Then I gave thanks to the Infinite for giving me the courage to see, acknowledge, and release the lies and a way to celebrate their elimination from my life. I guess I really can whip any problem. Whoo hoo!