Good morning and welcome to a new day! Happy Valentine’s Day. Have I told you yet how much I love you? Hmm. it feels good to be able to say that, smile, and feel the love radiating through my body. Oh, how far I have come. I can remember a time when I did not love myself, at least not completely, and definitely not unconditionally. I can remember a time when my sense of self was depending on others telling me I was ok. I can remember when I felt as if I needed to be with someone to feel lovable. I learned, however, that feeling lovable is not the same as being loved and that nobody can make me feel loved. I am the only one who can make me feel the way I am feeling about me at this time in my life. Happy Valentine’s Day to me.
Do you remember when the shift happened? I do, well at least part of it. Mostly it came when you stopped making decisions our of fear and began living life as if it were love. It began when remembered that I am love and I created you in the image of love, to be love and to radiate love in all that you say and do. Each day since then you have been focused on walking more fully in the call to be and radiate love. To remember that life is love and that love is for everyone and can be found in everything. I heard you giggle as you typed that because you remembered where you first learned that acronym for life – love is for everyone. While others could not offer you that unconditional love there, you found love in a few relationships that were not conditional with you staying in the same organization they were in and still are.
Learning to live life as love has not always been easy for me. There are times I have met people who I do not want to like. As I have spent time reflecting on where this dissonance comes from, the reflection of myself in them becomes clearer and I get to see the next thing in me I need to work on and change. It is during those times that I remember the teaching of Iyana Vansant who teaches to give thanks for those who get on your last nerve as they just saved you time and money you would have spent in therapy. I have also been reminded that loving others does not mean you like them, but that one is loving with all of humanity, regardless of what they radiate to you or others.
Recognizing when I am not feeling loved has also been a journey. For a time I was so used to suffering and hurting, which I thought was normal. However, over time I have come to realize that love is gentle, patient, and kind, not hurting. Love does not beget suffering; it begets love. Once I realized this, then I was able to begin taking moments that hurt and led to suffering and do the internal work to change the way I saw others, the situation, and myself. I began to realize that my feelings and emotions were real; they were what I was feeling. However, what I was seeing, the story I was creating was not real and could be changed and rewritten to promote and support feelings of love.
Each day, I remember to take time to tell myself how much I love me. Valentine’s Day cards from others are nice. However, the most powerful, healing, and transformative card is the one I give myself. So Happy Valentine’s Day girl. I love you more then you will ever know.