My brain has been all over the place this past week, well probably this whole month as I have been intentional about acknowledging different aspects of my life, my choices, the people in my life, those who have left, etc. This past week has been interesting because I have had to acknowledge the ways I still pastor and minister to people and how I have needed to define those terms for myself and acknowledge that they mean to me. I had to acknowledge those places where for me they were still artificially attached to my being attached to a formal congregation, which met in a formal building, and had formal worship services. It was reminders from my wife and friends who helped me in the process of detaching from the meanings others had and still do ascribe to those words and to redefine them for myself.
I have had to acknowledge how when people hear I am a reverend that they fill their minds with assumptions about who I am, what I believe, and my life in general. While I have no control over how others perceive me, I do have control over how I perceive myself and the image and story I create for myself and for others to observe.
As this past week was Holy Week, I have had to acknowledge that I am at a very different place theologically and personally in my spiritual life then I was a decade ago and that what this season meant to me then and what it means to me now are quite different. At the same time, I have acknowledged that for many of the people I know this is an important season of their religious and spiritual lives. I have learned this week how to acknowledge that which is important to others without judging or compromising that which is important to me.
If have had to acknowledge that some of the relationships which were once important to me in my life have served their purpose and ended. I have had to acknowledge that I no longer choose to consider people friends with whom there is not a reciprocal flow of energy. I have also had to acknowledge that these acquaintances only call me when they need something and that I have allowed this to continue. I have had to acknowledge that no one else can set the boundaries in my life but me. I have had to acknowledge that others can only abuse or take advantage of me when I allow it.
While others have celebrated this Holy Week by celebrating the week leading up the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus, I have celebrated it by acknowledging those parts of my personal life, which I need to remove, those that needed to be transformed, and those that needed to be resurrected. I have focused on celebrating the evolution and transformation of a consciousness, which is focused on fulfilling the commandment to love one another. This Lenten season I have given up the need to hold on to things and relationships, which are not healthy for me. I have embraced excitement about the transformation happening within me, and the knowledge that the best is yet to come in my life.
These are my choices, not others, but mine. So this and every day I celebrate the choices I am making about my life. This Holy Season is no longer a week in my life, but a daily reality based on spiritual evolution and transformation. It is a constant process of allowing aspects of my life to die, to emerge, and to continue to evolve in my life.