I wanted to take a minute to thank you for helping me learn to accept the help of others. I have always been good at giving, but not so great at receiving. I think part of that came from me not feeling worthy. I doubted why anyone would want to give to me or to share with me when they could share with someone of greater value. I even had problems accepting a compliment. I struggled to believe that anybody could think there was anything nice to say about me.
Then I hit bottom. I lost the feeling in my right leg and the ability to drive. Then I lost my paratransit services. With each loss, I had to open myself up to asking for help. I had to ask friends for rides to work, to the grocery store, to the doctor’s office. It was so humbling, and still is, when others so willingly give so that my needs might be met.
My friends Woody and Laura always offer to take me to campus once a month if I can’t get a liftline ride, which I rarely can. It still humbles me that they will drive 20 minutes to get to my house to drive me another 20 minutes to Brockport just so I can teach for 75 minutes. Then they bring me home. Or my friend Janet who started bringing me to the grocery store when Zoe started working again. Or Kelleigh and Alan who ask do I need anything from the store when they are on their way over. Or Ursula who would bring me berries or pickles whenever she was coming this way.
Sometimes asking for help was not easy, but then I remember the words of a proverb that remind me that pride goeth before destruction. So I have had to give up my ego and my self-pride and open myself up to receiving your grace through others.
One day I was talking with someone I know who, like me, is awesome at giving, but not so much at receiving. What I told her was as much for me as for her. I talked with her about how awesome it feels to give and that when we allow others to experience that goodness, we are blessing them as well as ourselves. So why do we block their blessings.
I would never want to be one who blocks somebody else’s blessings. I never want to block my ability to experience God’s grace. So I have had to be intentional about practicing humility and opening myself up to receiving help from others. I have had to give up the self-messages about not being worthy or not being acceptable enough or any of the messages about what I was not or what I was lacking. Instead I had to open myself up to the understanding that I am worthy of the love, grace, and blessings of the Divine. So thank you for helping me to heal, grow, and evolve that I might be open to receiving all you have to bless me with in my life.