So I am not sure why I ever doubt whether or not I will know what to write you about when I sit down to journal with you. Seriously, like I would ever run out of things to talk with you about. I guess that is why my faith in you is so strong. I know I can have a conversation with you about absolutely everything in my life. I probably censor what I need to say less with you then with anyone. Maybe that is because I know you hear all my thoughts anyway, so why try to come to you and pretend I am someone that I am not. You observe my thoughts, my words, my actions, and have already searched my heart. So there is no need for me to pretend with you.
While I would like to say I have always been this close to you, I know that is not the case. It is just that I have been in this ever deepening, ever evolving relationship with you for years now. So it seems as if it has always been this way, but the reality is that it has not. I am not sure I ever doubted your existence. However, I can honestly say there were times I felt so distanced from you, not because you ever left or abandoned me, but that I had distanced myself from you. Maybe that too was part of the plan for my life. Maybe I had to, as the lyrics to some song say; I had to roam, so I could find my way home. Maybe it was because I was looking for you in all the wrong places. But then again is there a wrong place?
Because when I stop and think about it, you have always helped me to find the goodness in everyone. You have always helped me to find the inner beauty and the inner light in everyone, even those who had hurt and abused me.
As Sister Helen Prejean once taught, why is that we remember people by the single worst thing they have ever done. You taught me to forgive and have compassion for those who raped and abused me. You taught me to have compassion for those who slandered and cut me with their words. You taught me that these were also your creations and that they too were wounded and in need of your unconditional love and grace. You reminded me that I too had said hurtful words to and about others. I too had done things which intentionally or not had contributed to the abuse of others. So how could I judge others and not want others to judge me.
So you sent teachers into my life to teach me to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. When I think about my faith, I think primarily about my relationship with you. When I say I am filled with faith, what I am really saying is that I have this unconditional trust in my relationship with you and the journey I am on in my life. While it may not always go as I had planned, I know it will go as it is supposed to and all will be well with my soul.
The deeper my faith in you grows, the less room in my being for worry. What do I have to worry about when I know it is all going to be okay? You may not give me all the answers when I seek them, but you give me one answer at a time as I need them. I guess some might say this is about me being dependent on you, but it is more about me having a trusting relationship with you. So thank you for helping me to become the best me I can be.