Thanks for the slap upside the head. I was listening to Mandy Harvey sing on America’s Got Talent. Her story about losing her hearing and how it erased her dream of being a musician. She sang this song called Try. Her lyrics really spoke to me and the changes in my life due to my back and nerve damage. She wrote, “I don't feel the way I used to The sky is grey much more than it is blue But I know one day I'll get through.” When I lost the feeling on my right side I did not feel the way I used to, literally. I did not know how I was going to learn how to do things when I did not know where my foot was and had to learn how to think my leg into moving. There were days that I was grieving the loss of my independence. I grieved not being able to drive anymore. I grieved There were mornings I would be so frustrated and cry because I could not even put my sock or shoe on by myself. On those especially tough days I would tell myself I will get through.
Just when I thought things could not get worse, they eliminated my paratransit services, which made it possible for me to go out, have fun, and hang with friends. That bought about one more loss and one more thing to grieve. There were days that the sky was grey, so I found myself being intentional about doing things in my life to keep myself positive and making my home such an amazing place to be that nobody who came here, including myself, would want to leave. I knew this would either be my prison cell or an ashram, so I opted to transform it into an ashram.
When Harvey sang about fighting for her breakthrough, I totally understood. Everyday you have to try. If I do not try to be successful; if I do not try to walk, if I do not try to stay healthy, then the grey skies will take over and I can never succeed and transform my life into that which I desire it to be.
My ability to transform my life is up to me. I am the only one I can blame when I am not living my life to its fullest. So today and each day I try.
I am like the little engine that could, except I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.